Di Necessità Virtù – Out of Necessity, Virtue
Personal Life and a Photographer’s Challenges in the Times of COVID19 – Part I
— With 35mm Film Photos
shot in Lisbon, 2020
I am not a morning person. Never have been.
I am the late one, the one that likes to drag out the morning routine at home until it’s lunch time — and lunchtime always comes in a heartbeat for me. In school, I was always late. My friend Alice can tell you how many ultimatums she gave me, tired of waiting for me at the door to walk together to school, ending up late herself.
In university, sometimes I would be so late that I wouldn’t even make it to class! Work? It was just the same — and don’t get me wrong, I care a lot, and I hate to see that disappointed expression on people's faces which soon turns into resignation. I run, break traffic rules, beat every record with my bike and arrive sweaty and out of breath … ten minutes late. I know in some places ten minutes is barely a delay — I am lucky enough to now live in one of those places — but I can tell you from experience that in some other places, collect too many ten minutes and you’re never going to be fully trusted again.
Anyway, not a morning person. And yet we all know that the best hour for photography is dawn. So, one of the many self-imposed challenges of this year has been forcing myself to wake up at dawn and go out, shoot the world in the morning hours. The first time I tried it was relatively “easy”, as I had a compelling reason to do it and a pressing deadline. It was now or never, there was no space for procrastination.
That reason was the photo project presented at the “Lisbon On Film” exhibition held by the Lisbon Analogue Collective at Livraria Ler Devagar in LX Factory — which unfortunately closed prematurely for obvious reasons, but you can still see (and BUY) the photos here. The strict deadline was due to lengthy analogue photography processing times and my tendency for procrastination — which still, sometimes, gives me a kind of motivation that is not always easy to find in other ways.
That very early morning on that bridge, my friends, I felt alive! And then later exploring a new neighbourhood, with my Nikon and my thoughts — all before 9 am —I felt that exciting sense of achievement and purpose, the kind you feel only when you achieve a goal that you set for yourself.
The second time was yesterday. I had planned to start a new project some time before all this “mess” started. There is a special abandoned building in Marvila that I wanted to photograph and have David write the words — on one side to be able to concentrate solely on the images, and on the other to give myself one more good reason to pursue the project, and well, avoid procrastinating too much.
The building is right behind the lab where I used to take the analogue photography classes. The plan was to wake up at the crack of dawn on a class day and stop by the building, then have breakfast in my favourite Coffee Roasters (The Royal Rawness) before going to class to develop the film I had just shot.
Doesn’t it sound perfect?
Well, procrastination happened and this plan never came true. Nonetheless, I wasn’t going to give up! And as cynical as it sounds, this historical moment gives me a great second chance to make it happen. No one will be around. And going there only involves me and my loyal bike — Milanetta.
The thing is … what I lack is motivation and a pinch of courage: suddenly it feels dangerous to be out relatively far from home, alone. Although I would have never thought this before, I have to be kind to myself and accept that this “new” feeling is part of an unprecedented reality . At the same time, going out to take pictures for a self-initiated photo project… is this actually and objectively important or necessary? Is it maybe superficial and immature?
Finally, yesterday morning I thought: is this not what it means to be a photographer? To capture beauty and truth for others to see through our eyes? Won’t the pictures taken in these exceptional times be a testimony, if anything, to the way I felt? And hopefully of a slightly broader truth? Isn’t this what an artist does? Grabbing truths and laying them down in picture, or a piece of paper, a painting, a sculpture, a stage, a screen so they can speak to someone else? As Julia Cameron said in this week’s chapter of the Artist’s Way, “the artist takes it down, does not make it up”.
So I’ve opted for a half mission in order to explore the outside and show myself that I can do it, that it is important for me, that it is what makes me feel alive and I shouldn’t have this regret. That if the 80 year-old me was here, she would order me to go, don’t wait another dawn, don’t let yourself get old without feeling this joy and sense of achievement.
If you want to read the story about my urban adventure, stay tuned for the next post on Facebook or Instagram and get a preview of the photos (for now just mobile photos).
Saturday 4th of April 2020.
COVID19 Self-Isolation Day #22.
State of Emergency Day #16.
